IN OTHER WORDS:

"God has delivered us, He has parted waters for us,

He has made water gush forth from rocks and sent us our own manna from heaven.

He has brought us into our own Promised Land.

Will I miss the opportunity to tell the story to our children?"

~ Ann Voskamp, Holy Experience ~

I can remember sitting in a chair so high on drugs and actually seeing hell before my eyes(i was hallucinating) I would scream in my head for the lord to save me.....Then I remember that night, a knife so close to my throat, my mind telling me this is how I deserved to die, and then a God releasing hate from the assailant to lead him to hand me his weapon....I cried all night for a life that was full of sin who knew only a "in heaven" type of god, for the first time I knew he stood right there in that very room with me.....I rolled a joint that afternoon and for the first time I saw the sin in the drug and as his spirit took me over I wept for the sadness the lord had every time I used a drug.....For the first time I knew he lived inside me.....He delivered me from the hell I lived.....my life is a witness to his power.....They will be blessed by it.

Blessed by a Blogger

T is another woman who I know personally. I love her personality. She is so fun and yet she is wise to the leading of the Lord. Here is a snipit from Dull as Dishwater:

Deliver Me O Jesus
I just posted this a month ago... but it needs to be repeated this month!
Deliver me O Jesus from the desire of being esteemed.
Deliver me, O Jesus from the desire of being loved
Deliver me, O Jesus from the desire of being extolled, honored, praised.
Deliver me O Jesus from the desire of being preferred to others
Deliver me O Jesus from the desire of being consulted and approved
Deliver me O Jesus from the fear of being humiliated
Deliver me O Jesus from the fear of being despised, and of suffering rebuke
Deliver me O Jesus from the fear of being slandered, of being forgotten, or being ridiculed.
Deliver me O Jesus from the fear of being wrongedand suspected.
That others may be loved more than I
That others may be esteemed more than I
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease,
That others may be chosen and I set aside
That others may be praised and I go unnoticed
That others may be preferred to me in everything
That others may become holier than I, provided
that I may become as holy as I should.Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it

I hope you too fall in love with her glowing personality and her zest for life!!! You can visit her at Dull as Dishwater.

In Other Words:

"Has someone seen the life

I planned? It seems it's been misplaced

I've looked in every corner

It's lost without a trace..."

~ Beth Moore~

From the poem: "The Life I Planned "

I remember fantasizing how cool of a mom I would be. I would drink and party with my kids, I would be the coolest mom ever. I laugh now, but I am sooooo glad the Lord got a hold of me before I had children. I know that's not like a deep spiritual sense of the poem, but to me it is.

I remember wanting children so bad, but if I would have had them I would have destroyed them. I was so selfish(way more than I am now). I wanted a doll, that would make me cool.

It's neat how God works though, I did have a baby out of wedlock, but because it was God's timing she changed my life. I knew she needed me and so I quit all bad things. (smoking, drugs, alcohol, sleeping around) And I followed God. In his timing I saw the need to clean myself up instead of bringing her to where I was. God is good.

Now I am a mother of three, I stay at home with them and I am big on their education and their spiritual growth, a place I never saw myself. It's amazing.

"Has someone seen the life

I planned? It seems it's been misplaced

I've looked in every corner

It's lost without a trace..."

~ Beth Moore~

From the poem: "The Life I Planned "

I remember fantasizing how cool of a mom I would be. I would drink and party with my kids, I would be the coolest mom ever. I laugh now, but I am sooooo glad the Lord got a hold of me before I had children. I know that's not like a deep spiritual sense of the poem, but to me it is.

I remember wanting children so bad, but if I would have had them I would have destroyed them. I was so selfish(way more than I am now). I wanted a doll, that would make me cool.

It's neat how God works though, I did have a baby out of wedlock, but because it was God's timing she changed my life. I knew she needed me and so I quit all bad things. (smoking, drugs, alcohol, sleeping around) And I followed God. In his timing I saw the need to clean myself up instead of bringing her to where I was. God is good.

Now I am a mother of three, I stay at home with them and I am big on their education and their spiritual growth, a place I never saw myself. It's amazing.

Melanie's Blog

I am more than blessed by Melanie's blog. She blesses me in real life as well. We have prayed together for a few years now and I have to say I really love her compassion for others. She is a dedicated wife, mommy, sibling, and daughter. I admire her devotion to family. Here is a snipit from her blog:

have you ever had one of those people in your life who never pounded their beliefs in you. who never criticized you for who you were, but gently loved you and showed you what it meant to be a follower of Jesus Christ? someone who silently sacrificed of themselves for your good. someone who truly loved you even when you have been unloveable? someone who prayed for you when you didn't know how to pray for yourself. someone who planted tiny seeds in a hard and broken heart?i have been privileged to. happy birthday to my sister michelle. generations will be blessed because of your pursuit of His glory. i love you much.

I hope you love her as much as I do!!

An Ah-ha Moment

I had a huge ah-ha moment about a week ago. My pastor had this amazing sermon series on the "bad boys of the bible" and at the end he had what he called, "decision Sunday." He gave us all keys and told us that we can all be free if we'll just come to him and surrender our lives before his throne.
It was a turning point in my life!
I went home that night and I was watching This Chinese guy give his testimony on how he was tortured for his belief, and god spoke and told me to write a letter to an old boyfriend who was horribly abusive. So I did and it was so neat because I wrote his name down and it was like, "wow this is real, I really lived this life."

I had pushed this part of my life down so far that it had become a story and I had not dealt with the pain that I experienced in this part of my life.
I would tell myself when thoughts would come up, "I forgive him, it's the past." and I would push it down. Finally, God showed me that denying the past is not forgivness. But it is accepting that what happened did happen and then realsing the guily party from any consequences. I was so afraid of not forgiving him that I didn't allow myself to deal with the hurt he caused. Needles to say I do forgive him, and Jesus is dealing with my wounds now as I reliquish my walls and pain to him.

Blessed By a Blogger

I am more than blessed by Melanie's blog. She blesses me in real life as well. We have prayed together for a few years now and I have to say I really love her compassion for others. She is a dedicated wife, mommy, sibling, and daughter. I admire her devotion to family. Here is a snipit from her blog:

have you ever had one of those people in your life who never pounded their beliefs in you. who never criticized you for who you were, but gently loved you and showed you what it meant to be a follower of Jesus Christ? someone who silently sacrificed of themselves for your good. someone who truly loved you even when you have been unloveable? someone who prayed for you when you didn't know how to pray for yourself. someone who planted tiny seeds in a hard and broken heart?i have been privileged to. happy birthday to my sister michelle. generations will be blessed because of your pursuit of His glory. i love you much.

I hope you love her as much as I do!!

In Other Words

"No distinction was made between the sacred and the everyday...Their life was all one piece. It was all sacred and all ordinary."

~ Sue Bender ~ author of Plain and Simple

This is neat. I am currently doing a bible study, ironically on Tuesday mornings, and we were talking about just this thing. I am blessed to have quite a few older women in my study. They were talking about how even when your changing diapers, doing dishes, cooking a meal that it should be done as unto the Lord.

One of the women, who I love so dearly, is in here late 60's, I would imagine, spoke of how when we do things unto the Lord, it's like riding a bike, it takes practice. If we fall on a bike we get back up until we can ride, just like that when we strive to be like Christ we must practice until we are like him. It was encouraging to hear older women who have been where I am speak about the process of practicing to be like Christ.

A MEME

I'd have to say one of the many websites I've been blessed by has been a lady I know personally. She mixes laughter with seriousness. She's a wonderful person and a wonderfull Mommy. I love the way she deals with her six children and has a lighthearted take on life.Here's her latest blog:

"It took a lot of guts for me to post yesterday's photo. Number one: who takes a picture of the things their kids draw on the house? And number two: I didn't realize how many grubby little finger prints there were on my front door until I picked up my photos. Needless to say, that very afternoon I was out there scrubbing away. Our front door almost sparkles now and sadly the doorman is gone. Mr. Clean Magic eraser knocked him right out. He will forever live on in our family photo album. I wonder if he is in doodle heaven with the legion of crayon and pencil people that have been graffitied on our walls the past eleven years?Also, I bought Caedmon and Jack some plastic swords at the store today. It was a momentary lapse in judgment that I hope will not cause any of their sibling serious bodily harm. Until today they were using sticks found in the back yard as their weapons of choice, so this is a bit of an improvement on the safety level, I hope. *crossing my fingers*And for the record Gemma's most recent words are "watch this", and then she performs an amazing stunt like climbing onto the kitchen table or dancing the special little dance she does with a twinkle in her eye. Really, all it involves is an Elvis style twist of the hips but it sure makes us all smile. Right now she is emptying the clean folded clothes out of all of our laundry baskets, another special talent she possesses. I guess that's my cue to hit the Publish Post button"

You can visit Heth Under the laundry pile!

I don't know if anyone reads this, but I'm going to keep it up anyways. I wanted to talk about the only way to recieve healing. It is (as the photograph describes) to leave the world behind and take hold of Christ. For example: My anger. You see I had all this built up anger from my past right. So before began to seek God for help I would find excuses for being angry, instead of finding the root problem. Like if I were angry with the kids I'd blame them, "if so and so would just behave I wouldn't be so angry or if I were angry with Jeremy I'd blame him, "If you would just stop watching tv so much I wouldn't have this problem;" That was easy, because I never got to the root of the problem. Then, I can't tell you exactly when, but I stopped making excuses and began to seek help. I began to realize that it was never them, but something inside of me that was raging out of control. Once I left the world's way's behind, or my own fleshly desires behind, I began to see the cross more clearly. I began to understand I was hurting and that I was going to have to deal with my hurt once in for all. Alchol wasn't going to do it, drugs weren't going to do it, sleeping all day wasn't going to do it, but god, God was going to fix it. I I just had to accept that being angry with my husband and children now for the things that happened in the past were not acceptable, and are not acceptable. Do I still get angry?? Yes I do. But nothing like it used to be. As the lord Jesus heals me, the rage has gone completely. I still get angry, more frustrated than angry, but now if it is unjustified I am quick to apologize and to seek the Lord for answers. I pray you to will lay aside your own feelings to pick up the cross tonight. God Bless you all. Brenda
source www.christart.com

He Knows.

When Jesus began to heal me, he began to show me how much he understood. I felt angry and abandoned by God. He began to show me that he does understand. I was molested, he (an innocent virgin) was stripped of all his clothing in complete humility. I was raped, after they stripped him they beat him. I was abused physically and emotionally, he was beaten until he was unrecognizable, and even those he loved denied him. I was resented horribly by my mother, he was spat on and kicked by the very ones he came to save. He does understand.....more than understands. He can sympathize and weep for us, because he walked where we do.
I encourage you today, to take a moment and just allow yourself to know that he DOES understand. God Bless.

The Anger.

The way I discovered my inner hurt was from the severe anger I experienced. I still fight with it, "during that time of the month", if you know what I mean, but nothing like I used to. I would be just fine and with no warning for me or anyone else, I would be in an outrage. My heart would beat so fast, I was irrational, just out of control. So what else could I do but run to Christ. That was the ticket. The ticket to freedom. I knew something was wrong, because Jeremy would say what's wrong, and I had no answer. It was easy to find an excuse, but I knew deep down the truth was that I didn't know why I was so angry. I don't remember when, but I'm sure it was the holy spirit leading me, but one day I was in a rage, and I don't know if I blew up or not, but I went to God with it, and it was like a dam broke. I sobbed and sobbed and he began to show me just how deeply I had been hurt. For the first time I had sympathy for myself. I liked to pretend I was tough, that was one of my covers, but I was (and still am), a needy child of God. He revealed the lie that, "it was no big deal" and showed me the truth that it was a huge, soul damaging, deal.
In our darkest hour if we'll only come to him, he will lead us down the path of righteousness. I learned that the hard way. The Devil loves to make me forget with distractions, but Jesus prevails every time!! Praise God.

How it all Started....

To take you back about 5 years ago.... I began a process that I believe will be the hardest thing I will ever do. You see I got marrired in October of 2001 and before that I was a single mom of one, this is Kali.

I was so close to God we would go on walks and I would talk with him every day, it was great. I, however was very lonely. So about 6 months after Kali was born I met my husband and his daughter Madison(she's the one holding the baby, our son together.) I thought everything was good until a dark past began to surface and Jesus began to show me just how hurt I was. I began to feel rage that I had no idea where it had come from. I felt guilty, ashamed and so unworthy. I had great fear of something happening again, and I had no trust in God. I always put the molestations off by telling myself. "It happens to all girls", or "it's not a big deal'. I had no idea what had really happened to me. My soul I was hurt and I was hurt bad. Over these last few years I have found out so many lies the enemy has led me to believe, and our lord Jesus has abolished them with the truth. I hope this blog, my life, will help you to heal too. I am not fully healed, but I've come along way!!! I hope you can too! God bless all!

P.S. Come visit me at Sweet Love to get to know me better.

A short version of my testimony.

This is going to seem harsh with no sympathy, but the truth is if I posted it with all the emotion it would take 10 years to read. So here it goes:

It started when I was two, I was molested, then again at 6,7, 8, and 9. I was in a realationship with a guy for 3 years who was emotionally, physically and sexually abusive. He raped me at the end of that relationship. Then I was raped again less then a year later by a stranger. This is the blunt of my testimony. Not all but the blunt. I will go into more detail in later blogs.

So needless to say I know about hurt and a lot about healing. So this blog will be kind of my journal of my journey through healing.