The Anger.

The way I discovered my inner hurt was from the severe anger I experienced. I still fight with it, "during that time of the month", if you know what I mean, but nothing like I used to. I would be just fine and with no warning for me or anyone else, I would be in an outrage. My heart would beat so fast, I was irrational, just out of control. So what else could I do but run to Christ. That was the ticket. The ticket to freedom. I knew something was wrong, because Jeremy would say what's wrong, and I had no answer. It was easy to find an excuse, but I knew deep down the truth was that I didn't know why I was so angry. I don't remember when, but I'm sure it was the holy spirit leading me, but one day I was in a rage, and I don't know if I blew up or not, but I went to God with it, and it was like a dam broke. I sobbed and sobbed and he began to show me just how deeply I had been hurt. For the first time I had sympathy for myself. I liked to pretend I was tough, that was one of my covers, but I was (and still am), a needy child of God. He revealed the lie that, "it was no big deal" and showed me the truth that it was a huge, soul damaging, deal.
In our darkest hour if we'll only come to him, he will lead us down the path of righteousness. I learned that the hard way. The Devil loves to make me forget with distractions, but Jesus prevails every time!! Praise God.

How it all Started....

To take you back about 5 years ago.... I began a process that I believe will be the hardest thing I will ever do. You see I got marrired in October of 2001 and before that I was a single mom of one, this is Kali.

I was so close to God we would go on walks and I would talk with him every day, it was great. I, however was very lonely. So about 6 months after Kali was born I met my husband and his daughter Madison(she's the one holding the baby, our son together.) I thought everything was good until a dark past began to surface and Jesus began to show me just how hurt I was. I began to feel rage that I had no idea where it had come from. I felt guilty, ashamed and so unworthy. I had great fear of something happening again, and I had no trust in God. I always put the molestations off by telling myself. "It happens to all girls", or "it's not a big deal'. I had no idea what had really happened to me. My soul I was hurt and I was hurt bad. Over these last few years I have found out so many lies the enemy has led me to believe, and our lord Jesus has abolished them with the truth. I hope this blog, my life, will help you to heal too. I am not fully healed, but I've come along way!!! I hope you can too! God bless all!

P.S. Come visit me at Sweet Love to get to know me better.

A short version of my testimony.

This is going to seem harsh with no sympathy, but the truth is if I posted it with all the emotion it would take 10 years to read. So here it goes:

It started when I was two, I was molested, then again at 6,7, 8, and 9. I was in a realationship with a guy for 3 years who was emotionally, physically and sexually abusive. He raped me at the end of that relationship. Then I was raped again less then a year later by a stranger. This is the blunt of my testimony. Not all but the blunt. I will go into more detail in later blogs.

So needless to say I know about hurt and a lot about healing. So this blog will be kind of my journal of my journey through healing.