I had a huge ah-ha moment about a week ago. My pastor had this amazing sermon series on the "bad boys of the bible" and at the end he had what he called, "decision Sunday." He gave us all keys and told us that we can all be free if we'll just come to him and surrender our lives before his throne.
It was a turning point in my life!
I went home that night and I was watching This Chinese guy give his testimony on how he was tortured for his belief, and god spoke and told me to write a letter to an old boyfriend who was horribly abusive. So I did and it was so neat because I wrote his name down and it was like, "wow this is real, I really lived this life."
I had pushed this part of my life down so far that it had become a story and I had not dealt with the pain that I experienced in this part of my life.
I would tell myself when thoughts would come up, "I forgive him, it's the past." and I would push it down. Finally, God showed me that denying the past is not forgivness. But it is accepting that what happened did happen and then realsing the guily party from any consequences. I was so afraid of not forgiving him that I didn't allow myself to deal with the hurt he caused. Needles to say I do forgive him, and Jesus is dealing with my wounds now as I reliquish my walls and pain to him.
6 comments:
Wow, that's so awesome! I'm the same way in that I really need Christ's help to deal with past hurts, and forgiveness. My natural tendency is to wallow in bitterness. He has to shake me up before I listen to Him, sometimes, and give it up.
Camy
Yay! I LOVE turning points - we'll be praying 4 u!
Great job taking that first step of writing the letter.
What a beautiful revelation and gift God gave you and now you've shared it with the world!
denying the past! Ouch! Didn't think of that!
I found your blog through Christian Women Online and was touched by your post about the abusive boyfriend. I was married, for four years, to an abusive man and also pushed down the feelings I had concerning that time of my life. I think that I have carried those feelings with me - even though I thought I did not - into my current marriage of 17 years. I do see those years as if through someone else's eyes and have not dealt with them openly and completely. You certainly have opened my eyes and cause me to believe that I should figure out the best way for me to "feel" the feelings, forgive the abuser and purge myself of all the hurt and anger. Thank you for sharing your own experience and know that you have blessed me with your thoughts!
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